


The Fish Who Cried Human

by Ononymous



Series: Christmas 2019 Stories and Requests [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: When Undyne is admitted to hospital shortly before Christmas, she's a little evasive about what happened.
Relationships: Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr & Undyne
Series: Christmas 2019 Stories and Requests [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580731
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	The Fish Who Cried Human

"...ngh, honestly, of all days..."

"What was that, H-honey?"

**"NGAH! HONESTLY, OF ALL DAYS!!!"**

With a squeal the yellow lizard toppled backwards over her chair, manga book flying in the opposite direction, and landed on the floor with a deafening clatter, tail still pointing towards the ceiling.

"Oh. Uh, sorry Alph. I just hate repeating myself."

"..." silenced Alphys as she tried to get back on her feet, looking at Undyne laid out in the hospital bed, leg hoisted in the air and webbed toes peeking from her cast.

"Look," said Undyne, "it doesn't even hurt that much anymore." She started sitting upright. "I'll just hobble down to the reception and discharge myself-"

_PING._ Shimmering even more blue than usual, Undyne's head slammed down on to the pillows and sunk deep into them, like being pushed.

" _NGAH!_ Dammit, Sans!"

The orderly out in the hallway, whose uniform comprised a blue hoody and white headband with a red cross, looked up from his joke book. "sorry ma'am, doc's orders. i let ya go, you ain't the only one gettin' discharged."

"How the hell'd you even get this job?"

Sans grinned, unsurprisingly. "comedy club. i make a lot of friends there."

Undyne returned to sulking, her arm overcoming Sans' magical restraint to grab the top magazine from the small library Undyne had bought from the in-hospital shop. She managed three minutes before dropping it on the floor. 

"What's wrong, Unnie?" asked Alphys. "Um, a-apart from the obvious."

"My upper body is like fifteen times heavier than usual."

"Oh, um, besides that too."

"Reading and thinking. That's all I can do in this dump! They're okay when I can take a break from them, but they're my only choices. You sure you couldn't go home and fetch my dumbbells? My arms are fine, it would give me something to do."

"sorry ma'am, you gotta _weight_ for the okay."

"Sans I swear if you-"

"Ahem."

A large grey bird strode into the room. As if on cue Undyne suddenly sprang up in bed, Sans returning to his joke book.

"Doc," said Undyne, the orders she wanted to give him left unspoken.

"Captain," said Doctor Drake, unconcerned. "Well then, where does it hurt?"

"Her shin, D-doctor," said Alphys, "approximately seven inches past her k-knee."

"Hmm." he began to poke the cast with his wing in seeming random places, the two other monsters watching as small sparks of magic met each contact. Eventually one such probe provoked a growl of fury from Undyne, and Doctor Drake was satisfied. He picked up a piece of plastic that looked completely black, but with a soft green glow what looked like an X-Ray of Undyne's leg materialised on it.

"Quite a nasty break," he said. "Humans'd be out of commission for a couple of months with something like this. Lucky you aren't so physical. Better to take a few days of thaumatherapy to heal it good and proper. I could put it all right in a jiffy, but then it's brittle, might break even harder down the line."

"A few days?" asked Alphys, Undyne not trusting herself to speak. "But Christmas is in three days. Um, w-we planned..."

"Ah, old Gyftmas." He clipped the Magic-Ray to Undyne's charts. "Well if she submits herself to our treatment without complaint -" he eyed her defiantly "- and you can guarantee she doesn't put an ounce of pressure on her leg, we can discharge her for the day itself if you bring her back in the day after to get it wrapped up. And then unwrapped, so to speak."

"Deal," said Undyne. "When do we start?"

"Well for non-vital fractures like this we'd have three sessions a day. You've just missed the second one, so in a couple of hours we can-"

"C'mon Doc, why can't we start right now?"

Alphys looked worried at this demand, and Doctor Drake didn't look like he thought much of it either. But then he planted his wing on the cast and it glowed green in its entirety. With an even louder growl, Undyne's yellow teeth were bared in a clenched grimace, her eye disappearing as she struggled with the pain. After about thirty seconds he ceased the treatment.

"As you wish." He looked over at Alphys trying to realise what had just happened.

"Urgh," she moaned, "that... was AWESOME! Workin' through the pain! You gotta try this, Alph!"

"P-p-p-pass."

"And before you ask," said Doctor Drake, "yes, you can still do arm exercises if you're that desperate to avoid cognitive exercises. I still remember when you overhauled the Guard training regiment. Was kept busy for weeks." She grinned proudly. "I have to ask, though, what happened that you got such an injury?"

"Oh," said Alphys, "w-we were just-"

"We were just walking down the street," interrupted Undyne, "an' I thought 'Hey that dark alleyway looks like a nice shortcut', so I led the way. An' suddenly, a human comes out from behind a dumpster with a gun! She's yelling and ranting, 'death to all you freaks, our house prices must recover!' or some crap like that. Well just in time I summon a spear and use it to knock the gun outta her hands. And Alph was lookin' suitably impressed, but then she picked up a huge sword and tried to chop my head off! So I had to be on the defensive, 'cause I'd hate for my girl to get hurt. And I was like 'Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!' and just before the sword stabbed Alphys in the eye I knocked it aside, and now she was defenceless. But she summoned her mightiest homeowner association determination and tried to punch a baby Froggit that was there. I did a high kick to knock her out, and while that worked her fist had so much killing intent when it hit my leg it musta just broken! Gotta be careful around humans, Doc, I'm sure you know that."

Alphys and Doctor Drake just looked at Undyne's triumphant grin. Even Sans had put down his joke book and was looking at all three of them from the hall.

"Hmm," said Doctor Drake, with the interest shown then the drying paint had a major plot twist. "Well then, I'll see you later for the next treatment."

"Thanks, Doc!"

He strode out of the room again. Alphys had finished processing what Undyne had said by the time his tail feathers left the room, for she scurried over to the door and closed it in Sans' face.

"Undyne, wh-why did you lie? You know it broke when-"

"Shh!" Undyne's eye swivelled around the room to make sure they were alone. "You think monsters will feel safe if something like _that_ can take down someone like me? I got a reputation to uphold, Babe, or everyone'll think they can take a piece of us."

"B-but Doctor Drake would never divulge it."

Undyne scowled. "Sans would."

"...yeah, he would."

* * *

With a clear plan to escape the hospital, and something to do with her hand besides turning a page, Undyne's mood was considerably improved by the time of her central treatment the next day. There hadn't been too many prying visitors, but there was one she had no chance of getting rid of. Gloved hands covered his pearly whites as he witnessed her leg get just a little bit better.

"nnnnnnnnnNNNNN _NNNGAAAAAAH!!!_ " Doctor Drake withdrew his wing. "God, what a rush! Thanks, Doc!"

"GOODNESS," said Papyrus, "I NEVER IMAGINED MAGICAL HEALING COULD BE SO INTENSE."

"hey bro," called Sans from the hall, "you don't remember the time we went camping, and you pitched your tent over poison ivy, and-"

"DON'T YOU DARE COMPLETE THAT VOCABULARIC MUTILATION, SANS!"

"Coming on well," said Doctor Drake, ignoring the argument. "You're better at following medical advice than your volume would suggest."

Undyne grinned. "You know the Royal Guard better'n that, discipline is the foundation of what we did."

"WAS IT? I THOUGHT KING ASGORE SAID IT WAS MAKING SURE MONSTERS HAD A NICE DAY."

Undyne ignored the far more accurate recital of Royal Guard virtues. "Can you pass me a grape, Pap? Kinda gettin' a taste for them.

"YOU ARE?!" He clutched his cheekbones. "WOWIE, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M PUTTING IN THE SPAGHETTI NEXT TIME WE COOK TOGETHER!"

"Huh." Her brow furrowed. "That's a weird combination. I love it!"

Alphys' smile was a little forced. "Well we can worry about that when you get the cast off, just in case."

"Indeed," said Doctor Drake. "Welp, hit the nurse button if you need anything." He walked out.

"THAT REMINDS ME," said Papyrus, "WHAT CALAMITOUS CONTRIVANCE CONSPIRED TO CRIPPLE THE CAPTAIN AND CAST CATASTROPHE OVER CHRISTMAS?"

"Oh," said Alphys, checking that Sans was fiddling with a ketchup bottle. "We were w-walking down the street, and-"

"And," said Undyne, "a Vulkin ran up to us, an' she squealed 'Undyne! Alphys! Jerry was playing in the CORE again!' Well we had no time to waste. So I picked Alphys up and jumped up to Mount Ebott and landed right in front of the old throne room. We hurried inside, listening to really awesome music in the elevator, and there that idiot was, pushing all the red buttons you should never push."

"EGADS," cried Papyrus, "NOT THE RED ONES! THEY BRING NOTHING BUT DISASTER!"

"I know, right?" Neither of them noticed Alphys desperately trying to close the door. "So the whole mountain was shaking, and it was only a matter of time before there was an eruption, so there was no time to lose! Alphys got to work, pushing all the green buttons to stabilise the CORE, an' I got to yelling at Jerry for being so dangerous! But then he said 'ugh, whatever, there's only like fifteen people in hotland, what's the big deal?' so I had to leave Alphys alone to finish pushing the buttons all by herself, and round everyone up while everything was shaking. And there was that Warm Burnydude just chilling in a cavern, and I yelled at him to go to New Home where it would be safer, and just as Alphys called me to say the CORE was stable now, the shaking slowed down, but not before a rock fell right on my leg! Hurts like hell, but nobody got hurt but me. Worth it!"

Papyrus wiped condensation from his eye socket. It definitely wasn't a tear. "THAT IS THE BRAVERY THAT BRINGS PRIDE TO ALL MONSTERS! AND TO THINK I WAS GATHERING THINGS IN SNOWDIN AND DIDN'T NOTICE A THING! AMAZING HOW EASY IT IS TO MISS EXCITEMENT IN THIS WORLD, ISN'T IT?"

"Yup!" Her grin grew even wider. "Glad you didn't have to risk getting hurt, dude! Just, uh, don't go talking about it, remember that incidents involving the CORE need the King's approval to talk about, just in case."

"OH, OF COURSE," he said, having never passed her a grape. "TAKING SATISFACTION IN OUR GOOD DEEDS IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN TELLING ALL AND SUNDRY ABOUT IT. NOW IF YOU SHALL EXCUSE ME, I MUST DOCUMENT WHAT DECORATIONS SANS SAID HE'D PUT UP BUT NEVER DID. SEE YOU TOMORROW!"

He marched out, full of pride at his erstwhile commanding officer. Sans was no longer sitting across from them. Alphys just glowered at Undyne.

"If you're g-going to lie, can't you at least stick t-to the same lie?!" she hissed.

"Sorry, Alphys, I forgot in the moment. That sounds way cooler anyway, doesn't it?"

"N-never mind that. What if Papyrus and Doctor Drake swap notes?"

"When does Pap ever talk to him? We'll be fine."

"OH DOCTOR," they heard Papyrus interrogate, "DID YOU CHECK HER SCALES FOR THIRD DEGREE BURNS? YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THIS, BUT HOTLAND ROCKS CAN BE HOT!"

" _Ahhhhhhhhh!_ " Alphys scrambled out of the room.

* * *

The last day had come. Well not actually the last day, it was either the second-last day or the third-last day depending on how you counted. But besides her overactive imagination and lack of volume control Undyne had been on her best behaviour. Alphys, Papyrus and Sans were all in the room as Doctor Drake performed the last infusion of healing magic, waiting for another outburst. They kept waiting.

"Mph," grunted Undyne in mild discomfort. "Not the same kick as before. Maybe I need a little more."

"No, that just shows that your leg is almost set right, so it hurts less. Right then, if Alphys can keep you from doing something stupid, you can go home and enjoy yourself tomorrow."

"FANTASTIC!" Papyrus wiped some not-tears from his cheekbone.

"congrats."

"This is great, Unnie!"

"Hell yeah it is. Hey, am I getting a wheelchair, or am I using crutches?"

"Your choice." He turned to Sans. "Are they prepared?"

"nope."

For the first time in days his neutral demeanor was upset. "I though I told you to take care of that."

"you said, an' i quote, 'make sure the captain will be able to get home'. i just came up with a great idea to save the hospital some money. and so i wouldn't have to go upstairs to grab crutches."

"HONESTLY SANS," Papyrus scolded, "YOUR SKULL IS MORE CHALK THAN BONE! WHAT CRAZY PRANK HAVE YOU SET UP FOR UNDYNE?!"

"this." He snapped his fingers, and the door opened.

"Howdy!" Everyone was suitably impressed as Asgore entered the room.

"Sire." Drake tipped his head.

"SIRE!" Papyrus took a knee.

"S-sir..."

"'sup?"

"Heya, Fluffybuns!" said Undyne, breaking the alliterative streak.

"Yes yes, Sans explained you needed transportation back to your house I'd be more than happy to help." His large smile faded a little as he looked from her cast to the images of her injury Doctor Drake was still holding. "Golly, what a horrible injury. How on earth did it happen, Undyne?"

Alphys felt something being overridden in her reaction. She'd been burned twice in as many days. Might as well let Undyne take the lead and see where the chips fell.

"Well, what a story! We were just... we were..."

The sudden lack of confidence grabbed Alphys' attention. She looked up at Asgore, still smiling openly down at Undyne, whose own grin had just finished melting away. She had trouble meeting his gaze. And then she sighed.

"...we were putting up decorations," said Undyne. "I'd just finished lighting up the tree. Just electric lights, not fire like last year, I learned my lesson. And Alph, well, she was stretching up to hang an MTT™ Ornament off the banister. And the way she was posed, stretched up, tail curling, I... I found it hard to stop lookin'. So of course, I tripped over the angel I was supposed to be puttin' up on the tree, crashed into my free weights set, and they landed on my leg. Hurt like hell, just because I got distracted by a thing of real beauty. After all that spatial awareness training we did together. Ha ha, I'm pathetic. Could never lie to you about it."

A curious transformation had overtaken Alphys. It looked like her fingers had fused to the ridge of her eyebrows, having the benefit of concealing her bright orange face from too much scrutiny. Not that anyone was paying her any. Papyrus looked like he was doing some mental arithmetic. Doctor Drake looked at Sans, who was looking at his butt as he scratched it. Asgore hadn't reacted at all, still smiling.

"My goodness, how awful," he said, totally unconcerned. "Worry not, I'll keep this from Gerson. I fancy his story collection is already overstuffed with my own goofs. Let's keep it that way, shall we?"

"sure thing, cap," offered Sans. "no need for anything to smell fishy about this. unless one of you want that."

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-what?" Alphysed Alphys.

"SO THAT MEANS..." concluded Papyrus. "YESTERDAY YOU WERE... FIBBING?"

Undyne couldn't meet his empty gaze. "...yeah, Pap. Sorry. I was just so embarrassed about something so simple."

"NO, I MUST APOLOGISE! MY ARTIFICE DETECTION IS ATTROCIUS, AND I MUST IMPROVE ON IT RIGHT AWAY! EVEN WHEN OFF DUTY YOU ARE ALWAYS TESTING ME!"

"yeah, bro. gotta be more careful."

"Well," said Doctor Drake, ignoring any implication that wasn't medically relevant, "I'm gonna prep your temporary release papers at the reception. Sire, when you're ready."

"Of course, doctor," said Asgore, picking up Undyne in his arms and carrying her out of the room. Alphys followed, still unable to detach her hands from her face. The two skeletons stayed where they were, however. Papyrus still in thought.

"SO DOES THIS MEAN SOMETIMES IT'S OKAY TO TELL LIES, SANS?"

Sans shrugged. "what needs said depends on the situation, i guess. by the way, what's santa gettin' ya tonight?"

"A NEW CAPE, THIS ONE'S GETTING RAGGED!"

"cool."

**Author's Note:**

> Original Suggestion: Undyne ending up in the hospital for the holidays due to a Christmas-related mishap
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading.


End file.
